What Hurts The Most...

What Hurts The Most – Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It is hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It is hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Listen To Your Heart...

Listen To Your Heart – Roxette

I know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart
when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

And there are voices
that want to be heard.
So much to mention
but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind.

Happy Burzzzday Dear Fren..

Shall I sing loudly 'Happy Burzzdayy 2U for U, dear fren.. ?? Okies.. I will.. listen yea.. with your full heart ;)

Happy Birthday 2U
Happy Birthday 2U
Happy Birthday Dear Nani..
Happy Birthday 2U....

now blow your candles, and make your wish.. (errrkk.. what is wish dear fren, syyyhhttt.. don't tell d rest, juz tell me.. hik hik..)

May all your wishes comes true, wish U happiness, prosperous and everything. Wish U for your happy ending, for sure..

with lots of love from me..
- Phlox, A Journey...

Have U Tested Your Other Halves ??

Have U ? Ever U test yr other halves ?

I did.. last week.. I signed up another skype ID, of course with gal's name.. and skyped my dear darling. As expected, he replied & start chatting with me, and of-course with my 'specially created ID'.. We chat abt ourselves, work & our other halves. A bit fun too at the beginning, especially when U try to figure out how's your other half respons to other people. As he been chatting with me, I found out whatever he told my created ID as all correct.. and to my surprised, he did praised his other half ho ho.. happy dancing..

Yesterday, I try to act again.. juz want to know his response in further.. later I came to d conclusion, I shud stop this game.. Why.. ?? I rather not to know him more details... LOL !!!!

- Phlox, A Journey...

Friends Poacher .. An Inmature ?

Are U a Poacher ? And if U R, R U an 'Inmature'.. ?

Well this topic wuz discussed during the morning breakfast in Mix FM. It started when Ika, the deejay wuz upset when after she introduced her close friend to another friend, they become clique to each other and left Ika behind. When Ika raised the issue, she wuz labelled as 'inmature'.. Few listeners called in and give their thoughts on this topics.

End of the discussion, the deejay concluded that the actual fact, each of us are a victim of friends' poacher or we ourselves are the friends' poachers..

Boring... My Life or Myself .. ????

I always feel boring in my life, in whatever M doing, in whoever my surrounding. But yet I dunno how to overcome this bore feeling. Or is it, I myself such a boring person.. ??? Probably ... the answer might be YES !!

- A boring Phlox in a boring world ...

What Does My Birth Date Mean ??

Your Birthdate: June 3

You are more than a big ball of energy - you are a big ball of hyper. You are always on the go, but you don't have a type a personality. Instead of channeling your energy into work, you instead go for fun and adventure. Witty and verbal, you can have an interesting conversation with anyone. Your strength: Your larger than life imagination Your weakness: You tend to be pretty scattered Your power color: Lime Your power symbol: Lightening bolt Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

M the Rain...

huh.. M the rain.. can be calm & sexy... I got this from Harsha's blog.

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming.Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for: your touch Your dominant state: changing

What Type of Weather Are You?

It's My Birthday ....

It’s My Birthday… !!!!M still in my bed when I heard SMS coming in. It was from my younger sister who wish me happy birthday in very early morning. Wow.. I smiled & it has made my day.. Soon after, my house phone rang.. This time it’s my mom, purposely called juz to wish me Happy Birthday.. Thanks Mom for your wish & for bring me over to this wonderful world. And Dad called me half an hour later, with the same purpose.. I guess Dad has never failed to remember my birthday every year.. and I knew, I have a special place in his heart from the beginning.

DH wuz teasing me, saying that this year I wake up in early hours and everybody is wishing me happy wonderful birthday.. Yeahh.. infact it is a very wonderful birthday this year. When DH whisper me his wishes, I did ask him what he get for me. He ask what I want & I answered that I want a brand new car.. LOL !!! Very naughty me hik hik.. He took something from the closet, a small paper bag.. and WOW !!!! Guess what, I get a pair of earings from him. Love you dear, thanks for the gift.

We decided to bring the kids to watch the movie – Over The Hedge, which later followed with lunch. The kids enjoyed the movie so much that they ask us to bring to watch another movie next week. I guess the kids are addicted to the cinema now !! We reached home quite late, almost 5 pm. By then, everybody wuz tired. But the birthday gal still energetic. I bake a chocolate cake, from the ready-made cake mixture of course. As usual, the kids are more than happy with whatever I bake for them.

Initially we thought of having a BBQ dinner at our patio, but we ended up having steamboat dinner at your dining hall.On the stashing part, I ordered a few San Man Originals charts and they have arrived safely. I also treat myself by buying the Joan Elliot Sentiments & Sayings..

Overall, I shall say this is one of the most memorable birthday I had. Thanks to every body for the birthday wishes.. To Mom, Dad & dear Hubby.. I love you the most..

American Idol.. Taylor ??? Kate ????

As expected, Elliot is vote out this week. So we shall see Taylor & Kate make their way to the final. So who do U think will be the next American Idol ?? I wud vote for Taylor..

~ Phlox A Journey, until she stop somwhere...

M Real Odd Person :(

Ha.. ha …. that’s what I felt about myself. M the odd person, what do U think ?? I found out that recently I like to be alone (hey.. I’ve been in this room alone for past 10 years, yeah.. mind U), like to isolate myself from other officemates, except those ‘nyonyas’ in my dept. Eversince I work here, I have this attitude.. To me is, come to the office and do my daily tasks (errr.. (systt !!!) I’ll pick N choose who tasks I like to do keh keh..). Since my lunchmate resigned couple of months back, I no more go out for my lunch – I still did occasionally. I wud rather sit at my chair, glaring at the puter (not glare actually – either surfing or reading emails) or stitch a few Xs on my WIP cross stitch project. I still do keep in touch with few of my frenz (who did not working here) either via phone or ym or skype, juz to make sure that M not lost in this world hik hik..

As my mood slowly turn bad after I read that redesignation letter (not mine, other staff) I juz like to be alone. To spent my ½ hour or 40 mins driving back quietly, juz to clear up my mind. But hell.. all my plan has crashed out. An officemate skype me to ask whether I can give her a lift home.. errkk.. I hate this.. I hate this… !!!! I hate to give her a lift actually, but how M I to tell her that I don’t want to. I juz want to drive back alone, without her company. If she did not have transport back juz because her hubby has to work extra hours, that’s her own problem.. Not mine !! Why can’t she find her own solution, either stay back and wait for him, or juz drive his car back and pick him again afterwards. When I wuz not mobile, did not own a driving license & car, I do stay back alone in the office every time dear hubby got to work extra hours. I juz don’t like to interrupt other people schedule, so that I can get a ride home. I know ppl does not like other ppl to interrupt their own schedule.. as what I felt at the moment.

Hey… does that prove M the odd person.. ??? LOL.. driving back with company… urghhh !!! I have to be a pretender this evening…

~ Phlox A Journey, until she stop somwhere....

Feel Sad Again …..

I think my sad feeling will never end, probably until I find what I want. I started when I saw this redesignation letter one of our staff. I knew about this long before, lucky it’s not from my own department. I only realised her new salary now has reached 3K. OMG!!!! She’s only few hundreds behind me !! She did not have a Diploma, and now she’s following my salary closely. Imagine for 10 years here, there’s no promotion for me. The yearly increment that I got only for not more than RM 150, never get any merit increment only once.. which has created a real havoc in my department, as why M the only one who get it not the others..
Errmm.. what’s my next step ??? Hunting for job again ??? Well shall do some input on job hunting in my next write up.

~ Phlox A Journey, until she stop somwhere...

What I Want Actually … ???

Well.. me myself dunno what I want actually *grin* Funny huh … when me myself dunno want I want in life. Everyday seems a boring day for me, especially when M at work. It’s something that M forcing myself to drive to work, sit at my chair, staring at the puter from 8 till 5. The only thing that me feel happy is browsing the net, reading my stitching frens emails, envy their stitching progress. Or browsing for cross stitch freebies, juz to add to my collection. Or have some chat with some online frenz.. Well all those thing live me up, really make my day. But on the other side, I do feel guilty for not performing well in my job. I tend to pick N choose what I want to do. Some jobs that I like, I do it quite fast. But there are some that I hate to do & I’ve dragging it for quite some time. What’s wrong with me actually.. ??? Do I need a fresh air outside ? Do I need to change job ? Do I ready for the challenge outside ? Do out there really have some more promising that will make me happy.. ???

I think I know what I want.. I want money.. money.. without have to work for it. I want the money to come over to me, for me to spend for my kids, family, my needs & my hobby. I juz want to have my own precious time where I can juz spend by attending to my kids, my family, my stitching, my reading, my garden, my house.. and a long list of ‘my… I want’. Well.. I guess M too demanding.. kof.. kof..

The Next American Idol...

Who U guess would be the next American Idol after Chris wuz voted out this week ?? Taylor.. ??? Kate ... ??? Elliot ... ??? Errmm.. frankly speaking b4 this I think it cud be Chris, but M very dissappointed when he was voted out despite his good performance & progress this week. Earlier, I think Chriss & Kate will make their way to the final.. but now.. M guessing too. Well America, U have me your own choice by kicking Chris out from the contest. Why must you kick him out, when I think it shud be Kate.

Now.. who will make their way to the final..?? Taylor & Kate.. or my sweet Elliot & Kate.. ?? I knew Kate will be one of the finalist, as she's the only lady there.. and for that, for sure American guys will vote for her.. hehe...
Anyway, we shall wait and see...

~Phlox A Journey, until she stop somwhere...

Ohhh… M Sad !!

These past weeks, I’ve been in contact with half of my ex-classmates from ITMCJ. Surprisingly, this time round more people responded to the emails circulated. Lotsa stories were mentioned again, and I can see myself keep on smiling & gigling alone in front the puter. Lucky boss were in the meeting room most of the time, if not sure he’s been thinking what happened to his ‘seksatary’.. LOL. Ohh gals, I really missed our 3 yrs together.

Of-course during the pre-reunion (oppss forget to add in here – we’re planning our 3rd reunion some time in May or June), we touch on many things. Among all half of us no more holding the title ‘Secretary’ anymore. Some were promoted and holding a better title, be in Supervisor, Officer or Executive. Mai wuz lucky enuf, as she now become the Senior Executive Training.. Well, training was part of my jobscope (unofficial, as it wuz never listed in my JD) eversince I join this coy. But for the past 10 years, M still holding the title of Secretary, without any promotion. Getting the same percentage of bonus & yet my increment has been cut more n more. No more a 10-15 % increment when I newly joined this coy. My supposed 5% increment (nowadays, we’re given 5% increment yearly) wuz cut to 4.7 or 4.6%. Ohh goshh !!! How lucky I get this ‘boss’…

Probably I need to do something to back myself.. further studies..?? I have that in mind for years. But thinking that I’ve to go for lecturing on Saturdays N Sundays for at least 6 to 12 months, make me think twice or thrice. I knew Eida currently pursuing her study and envy this mom of 4 who willing to travel from Segamat to Bangi on every Saturday morning & only return back to Segamat on Sunday evening. Woww.. but I think she were also grateful for having a hubby who support & understands her needs. It’s not that my dear hubby won’t support me but it’s more to my own self guilty, to him & to the kids…

Salary wise… uwaa.. uwaa.. of-course M earning the lowest among the Secretaries in this coy, and probably the lowest too among my classmates who earned 5K monthly.. !!!

~ Phlox A Journey, until I stop somwhere...

Guess Who I Met..??

I wuz checking on new mags with a friend at the MV. Imagine, I took ½ day leave for this craze ! As I wuz step of from the rest room, I saw a figure that looks familiar to me. Immediately I remember this guy, a bubbly short size guy who also stared at me at the same time. Ohh dear, probably his mind still thinking who is this fat lady with a collar T-shirt & blue pants. Ohh boy, bcoz of this outfit & my size now, I juz glance at him & continue walking. Very bad girl !!! I think if M still in my size, probably I wuz say hi & exchange biz card or phone nos.. I think sure he keep smiling or worst, laughing.. I wuz the one who rejects him, as I have hubby as my bf that time. Err.. after all he didn’t met my required specs I guess.. LOL. But yet after 14 years, he still look the same old guy I knew b4.

~ Phlox A Journey, until I stop somwhere...

I Want.. I Want...

I had a long list of things 'I want...'

1. a new hairstyle (I had my new hairstyle already)
2. a new wallet – my money keep on finishing wif the current wallet (Finally I changed to a new black with purple stripe long wallet)
3. a new office computer – can’t stand with the existing puter, very the sloww !!!
   (Well my boss still buat bodo..)
4. a new printer – all-in-one printer where I do some scan jobs (I got my new all-in-one printer, only the scan features not properly installed by IT, urgkkk.. !)
5. a digital camera – so that I can capture all the sweet moments (still living patiently with the existing unit which is on loan by dh’s company)
6. streamyx line, wud love to surfing faster and less hassle than the tmnet line (errmm.. seems gotta wait till 2007 or Nov 06 the soonest)
7. new clothes in my wardrobe (wish I cud spent all my this year’s bonus on this)
8. new handphone – the latest with camera function (ha ha.. still on the old junk unit)
9. a new job, M fed-up working in the same company for 10 yrs (errmm.. may start hunting when June comes)
10. get slim, M fat !!!!! (ohh GOSH !!)
11. facial treatment.. my skin getting worse nowadays (err.. any free voucher please!)
12. higher income, shud be in the highest list (err.. who don’t want huh ??)

well.. that is all my wishlist for now. I think I more in my list, but can’t think more than what I listed. Shall update my wish list from time to time …

~ phlox a journey, until I stop somwhere...

Welcoming 2006..

Wow... hope it's never to late to welcoming Year 2006. Ha ha.. January is ending, and yet only today I welcoming 2006. No new resolutions, if possible to continue the existing ones. 2005 wuz a very though year for me, so hope 2006 will bring more sunshine & happiness.. M not going to believe Lillian Too's feng shui anymore, as every year she kept on saying that Rooster did not have much luck.. but she said, promotion will come after me when the fact is, NONE .. at all... So 2006, promise me more happiness.. but siang2 predict my new salary, is over budget again.. *sigh*

Had wanted to blogging much earlier, but seems January is a very busy month. Kids going to school after long break. Oppss.. January also is the most expensive month.. Y..?? I've spent so much on kids' prepation to school.. text books, uniform, shoes, bags, stationeries, school fees.. yucks, a very long list.. !!! For the 1st time, my bonus cud only last for 1 month exactly. When will I ever had a chance to keep my bonus to my savings.. I wish I had, hope this 2006 bonus...

Nan, welcome to the blogging world.. U may visit me here or at my another blog.. Miss U !!!